So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
