There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
