There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
