y did u give ur computer a hand job?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
