Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
