Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
