So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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