I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i now understand why vodka
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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