yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
