your thong is hanging out like whoa
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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