she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
