remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
