Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How external is "for external use only"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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