Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
