i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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