This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
