I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
