Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
