We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
