Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
