getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
