Got a toothbrush?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
