In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
