i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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