is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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