I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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