why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
