Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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