last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
