Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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