Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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