I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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