Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
