I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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