We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
