using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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