At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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