remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
