I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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