Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
