Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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