Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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