It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
