oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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