all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
