i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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