I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
