just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
