We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
