She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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