We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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