So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
