She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
