its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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