I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
