hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
