in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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