drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
