She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
