just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
