Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
