yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize