I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
