i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
