Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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