i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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