YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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