the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
