my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
