theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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