Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
