Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
