M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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