just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
