Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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