Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
